“Understanding an art is understanding the world “

Art is human activity made with the intention to stimulate the human senses and mind.

ABSTRACT ART:

·         Visual language of line and color that gives reference

·         Form of art that can be enjoyed without being able to understand

·         Unique communication

·         Non realistic portrayal

It is a controversial form of art which is unusual and highly individualized sector of the art world. One can discover passion and devotion in this form.

UNDERSTANDING ABSTRACT ART:

To understand this form of art one has to be sensitive about colors and composition.

Colors+shape+line+texture  = physical elements { image }

Dark+heavy shapes = somber

Light+airy images = mystical, balance, peace

Many people don’t feel well disposed towards abstract art. If there are certain specific messages or meaning that can articulate in words then an artist would transform into words, the painting would have no purpose.

Painting isn’t an essay and this is the reason why people shouldn’t try to understand abstract in the way they sometimes feel they ought to be able to.

Some expressions are very traumatic as the artist feels that there is no other way to express her/him and the paintings reflect this trauma. Abstract art is more than expressions.

WHY ABSTRACR ART?

Abstract art is more about feeling then technical knowledge and skill. With abstract one can only imagine the artist thought.  It can trigger emotions. It doesn’t have a recognizable subject, it doesn’t look like something. It is different from realism.

Basically abstract art is associated with things that are not visual like emotion; sound, spiritual experiences etc. abstract art represents reduced or simplified form of images. It grabs an emotional response and keep the mind continuously thinking and analyzing something special.

This art is from heart and soul. It allows an artist to let the creativity go free without having to worry about straight lines and perfect shape.

PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS OF BEING ABSTRACT

“Desire to communicate concepts, thoughts, ideas and emotions abstractly beyond art principles of composition, tone, value, line, hue, texture”

·         It is expressive

·         It has emotional content

·         Conveys larger spiritual outlook

·         It has mystical sensibility

·         More than an action painting

·         Has tremendous power addressing with primal, spiritual, meta physical concept

·         Presentation of imagery potentials without relation of natural world or pictorial illusion

·         It is very subjective

·         Communicates realistic image

·         Created according to the artists feelings and psychological energy

IS IT REALLY ABSTRACT

“Abstract art is a depiction or representation of an actual subject or object”

If you look at the abstract piece it will look familiar to you. It is an honest representation of an artist’s creativity and inspiration.

MY OWN VIEW

Abstract art is partially an abstract because it represents the mental state of an artist. At the time of painting an artist is in the scattered phase of thoughts and not just creating a painting or picture is an objective but communicating various thoughts is also an objective of artist.

The confusion and the battle among various thoughts and ideas results in the form of an abstract art.

Abstract artist usually thinks beyond normal boundaries therefore their piece of work is bit complex to understand by usual thinkers.

Their psychological conditions are different from others and this difference creates an abstract or unusual picture of things and ideas but it doesn’t mean that they don’t posses normal mental/psychological attitude or behavior.

One of the reasons of being abstract artist is the lack of communication and being less understood by others. They are more receptive in spiritual and mystical communications therefore understanding of ideas including their vision have lots of diverse meanings. As they lack suitable support and attention they are more emotional than usual artists.

“Good morning class! I am Professor Ryan your Marketing instructor. Welcome to MBA 1^st semester.”

I introduced myself on Sunday morning to MBA class.

“Let’s forget introduction of the class and begin the lecture we will come to know each other with the passage of time” I further added and opened the book.

“What if I want to know others?”

I heard a voice. I lifted up my eyes and saw an arrogant but stylish young lady in black.

 This is how I first met Innara Khan.

An arrogant girl from Afghanistan. She was from Kabul from the district Deh Sabz (headquarter Tarakhel) amongst 42% of Pashtoons.

She used to wear dark sun shades when standing in a group may be because she didn’t want anyone to interpret her devilish eyes. She was most of the time surrounded by male students as she knew how to play with her magical aura.

I sometimes use to watch her gestures behind the window of the faculty room.

“She is a mystery and I want to explore her” I once said to myself while sitting and watching her moves.

“But why I am thinking about this mulish girl I have got lot of other things to think about” my other me whispered in my ear.

“Simple because she is unusual” I relaxed myself by giving this answer.

I came to know some exclusive traits about Innara from various sources. From her so called class participation and from her covert moves and I came to know that somewhere deep inside I wanted to be like her.

Free from others commands and requirements, master of own desires, somewhere jagged somewhere downy, sometimes conventional and most of the time highly impulsive.

“If you want to talk just say yes or no otherwise go to hell”. I heard her shouting once on the phone while moving towards the class.

I can’t imagine saying so straight forward in such a blunt manner to someone. I thought for a while because I was so magnificently wrapped with a LEGENDARY form with all fine and constructive attributes and my well reputed representation that most of the time I had to slay my desires. There were some people around me whom I wanted to say “Go to hell” but I couldn’t because I wasn’t Innara Khan. I was Ryan.

She directed all my attention towards herself in the class and I still remember one incident. I gave a case study to the class to prepare in fifteen minutes and I took the chair. Innara was straight in front of me. I was exploring her from head to toe in secrecy and lastly my eyes stopped on her lips. Her lower lip was marvelous. Raspberry lips I must say. Abruptly she caught my eyes and we gazed each other for some minutes then she smiled. Her smile wasn’t just smile it was a positive signal to me. I call it Devil Arousal!

I started knitting the web to catch her and grabbed her so tightly. I used different strategic maneuvers to divert her attention towards me. She became aware of the plan and came to me one day.

“I have to discuss about my project when are you free?” she asked me

“I am free right now you can ask” I smiled

“Well I forgot the book home. Can I have your cell number if you don’t mind so I can give you my project progress” she asked me

“Sure!” devil was cherished

Then it started. We use to chat, talked about many things, I came to recognize her closer she was coming more near to me but it was veiled from the world.

For me going closed to Innara was just to explore her, to read the mysterious script printed on her psyche and to reveal the other fraction of me. I wasn’t interested in her physically but I can’t deny the fact that she was voluptuous.

But coming closer to me was different for Innara. She started loving me and I took everything as her childish act. When she opened her heart in front of me for the first time I rejected her thought but she didn’t complain and we moved on.

She use to share the whole lot with me sometimes I was concerned sometimes I wasn’t as I was bounded by so many things both necessary and un necessary as  I had to breathe with my LEGENDARY image but whenever I saw her something within me begun to tumble down. I felt attracted. She was pulling me towards her.

“I am going to Afghanistan” she told me one day and as usual I didn’t show any response

“Wont you say goodbye to me?” she asked

“I will but when you leave” I replied

“I am going tomorrow morning at six by road will be back soon as things are not good for longer stay” she told me

 I still remember when I called her to say good bye. She kissed me on my eyes, on my lips and on my chest and I was feeling her lips all over me

“I will miss you” she said to me after her kisses

“I will miss you too” I affirmed her

“I love you Ryan” with a soft romantic voice I heard her saying and I kept silent

“Have a safe journey Innara. Come back soon” and with these words I hanged up the phone.

Was there something missing after her? Was I really missing her?

She came back after some days due to severe tension in Kabul and carried on with her routine life.

One day she asked me “Do you love me?”

And I maintained my silent

She started shouting in hysterical manner as she wanted to know my answer.

I grabbed her both hands and told her that I never felt anything for her. I talked to her, came nearer to her just to uncover the mystery within us.

She was stunned and shattered too.

That night I went out of station and came back after some days. During that time I had no contact with her. I was almost forgot her.

Days turned into weeks and I didn’t receive a single message from Innara.

I was busy in my daily life then one day sitting alone I thought about her I made her a call but her cell didn’t respond. After sometime I got the call from her cell and it was her mother asking me if I knew anything about Innara. She was missing.

Months turned into years and there was no news about her. Life became similar again for me. Same frantic to-do list.

After ten years I heard the news of her death.

She was murdered by tribal warriors near Afghan border and they buried her near River Kabul. She was crossing the border alone and they suspected her. It was the same day when I made her clear about my feelings.

And after ten years I am writing poetry in her memory but she is no more here to listen, to read and to smile. I still remember her last note on my table:

“YOU GAVE ME EVERYTHING EXCEPT FEELING!”

And today I am missing all her love she showed to me and now I want her love again but it’s ineffective as she is not with me to know what I am feeling for her right now.

“And in the dark shadows of night Innara

I want you to come for me

Cherished me with your unconditional love

Live with me for a while to know

How immensely I want you ohh!”

Client Centered Psychotherapy or Person Centered Theory developed by humanist psychologist Carl Rogers in 1940’s and 1950’s.

The idea behind this theory was to help patients believing in themselves that they can best help themselves to overcome their specific problem.

He did this by maintaining friendly relations with his patients and encouraging their feelings and emotions towards healthy life.

He didn’t emphasize in changing human behavior and much drug prescription because he believed that a person can use his/her mental ability to overcome any kind of stress.

His theory and technique was criticized due to its lack of structure and method but it had affected lot of people and became popular treatment.

The foundational belief of CCT (Client Centered Therapy) is that people tend to move toward growth and healing, and have the capacity to find their own answers.

There are two approaches in this theory:

Directive Approach:

Directive behaviors include asking questions, offering treatments, and making interpretations and diagnoses.

Non-Directive Approach:

Non- directive therapy or behavior deliberately steers the client in some way. A non-directive approach is very appealing on the face of it to many clients, because they get to keep control over the content and pace of the therapy.

WORKING OF THE THEORY

 This is what therapists do:

• Listen and try to understand how things are from the client’s point of view.
• Check that understanding with the client if unsure.
• Treat the client with the utmost respect and regard.
• There is also a mandate for the therapist to be “congruent”, or “transparent” – which means being self-aware, self-accepting, and having no mask between oneself and the client. The therapist knows themselves and is willing to be known.

FEAR OF OUIJA BOARD AND HOW TO OVERCOME

Ouija boards are also known as witch boards and talking boards. The boards are a form of channeling or mediumship. Ouija was a by-product of the spiritualist craze. The Spiritualist movement of the early 1900s was founded by Kate and Maggie Fox. By using a series of knocks and raps that answered “yes” and “no,” they were able to communicate with spirits.

Researchers suggested that the Ouija works using the psychic portions of the human mind, spelling out answers by precognition, telepathy, or mediumship. In this way, the answer given through an Ouija board is still under the control of a human being.

It is said the word Ouija is a combination of two words, the French word “oui” and the German word “ja,” both words meaning “yes” in English. But the board is neither French, nor German.

As Ouija use has become more popular, and knowledge of the occult also grows, so too has fear of the spirits the Ouija might summon. Many methods and superstitions have arisen about the use of the Ouija and protection during its use. They really only differ depending upon whether you buy the Ouija in a store or make it yourself.

If anyone sit alone and start practicing self delusion or hallucinations then eventually he/she will see whatever is in the sub conscious or whatever the mind interpret about various things.

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR:

Ouija boards are not scary but myth and movies related to them made their image negative in people minds.

If anybody has some fear then it can be overcome by simple methods as follows:

·        Have strong faith in whatever you believe or tradition you follow

·        Have broad horizon and clear vision about things around

·        Power of knowledge is within and one should know how to use the knowledge power

·        Whatever the fear is don’t afraid just cautious

Finally Client Centered Therapy is opposite to schizophrenia and mysticism. From causes to symptoms till experiences and definition they are opposite.

Schizophrenic experiences and mystic experiences are related to REAWAKENING and to get the feeling of Divine Reality. But in Client Centered Therapy specific mental or physical problem is cured as it is also known as Mental Therapy.

WHAT IS SCHIZOPHRENIA:

Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that affects the way a person acts, thinks, and sees the world.

Schizophrenia is a chronic and debilitating disease

Biological, social and psychological factors are considered together to account for the cause of Schizophrenia

In a nutshell Schizophrenia can be best defined as:

“Seeing oneself through hallucinations with loss of reality in order to achieve mysterious view point with double vision of self “

SIGNS OF SCHIZOPHRENIA:

Most cases of schizophrenia appear in the late teens or early adulthood.

In rare cases, schizophrenia can even affect young children and adolescents. In general, the earlier schizophrenia develops, the more severe it is. Schizophrenia also tends to be more severe in men than in women.

With support, medication, and therapy, many people with schizophrenia are able to function independently and live satisfying lives.

The most common early warning signs of schizophrenia include:

• Social withdrawal
• Hostility or suspiciousness
• Deterioration of personal hygiene
• Flat, expressionless gaze
• Inability to cry or express joy
• Inappropriate laughter or crying
• Depression
• Oversleeping or insomnia
• Odd or irrational statements
• Forgetful; unable to concentrate
• Extreme reaction to criticism
• Strange use of words or way of speaking

In some people, schizophrenia appears suddenly and without warning. But for most, it comes on slowly, with subtle warning signs. In this early phase, people with schizophrenia often seem eccentric, unmotivated, emotionless, and reclusive. They isolate themselves, start neglecting their appearance, say peculiar things, and show a general indifference to life. They may abandon hobbies and activities, and their performance at work or school deteriorates.

SYMPTOMS OF SCHIZOPHRENIA:

There are five types of symptoms characteristic of schizophrenia

Delusions:

Delusions are extremely common in schizophrenia, occurring in more than 90% of patients. Often, these delusions involve illogical or bizarre ideas or fantasies. Common schizophrenic delusions include:

Delusions of persecution:

These persecutory delusions often involve bizarre ideas and plots

Delusions of reference:

A neutral environmental event is believed to have a special and personal meaning.

Delusions of grandeur:

Belief that one is a famous or important figure

Delusions of control:

Belief that one’s thoughts or actions are being controlled by outside, alien forces.

SOME COMMON EXAMPLES OF DELUSIONS:

• believing that people are “out to get” you, or the thought that people are doing things when there is no external evidence that such things are taking place.
• it may seem as if people are talking about you or special personal messages are being communicated to you through the TV, radio, or other media
• A terrible physical illness exists or that something foreign is inside or passing through your body.
• when you believe that you are very special or have special powers or abilities

Hallucinations:

Hallucinations are sounds or other sensations experienced as real when they exist only in the person’s mind. While hallucinations can involve any of the five senses, auditory hallucinations (e.g. hearing voices or some other sound) are most common in schizophrenia. Visual hallucinations are also relatively common. Research suggests that auditory hallucinations occur when people misinterpret their own inner self-talk as coming from an outside source.

Schizophrenic hallucinations are usually meaningful to the person experiencing them. Many times, the voices are those of someone they know. Hallucinations also tend to be worse when the person is alone.

SOME COMMON EXAMPLES OF HALLUCINATIONS:

• Visual (seeing things that are not there or that other people cannot see),
• Auditory (hearing voices that other people can’t hear,
• Tactile (feeling things that other people don’t feel or something touching your skin that isn’t there.)
• Olfactory (smelling things that other people cannot smell, or not smelling the same thing that other people do smell)
• Gustatory experiences (tasting things that isn’t there)

Disorganized speech:

People with schizophrenia tend to have trouble concentrating and maintaining a train of thought. They may respond to queries with an unrelated answer, start sentences with one topic and end somewhere completely different, speak incoherently, or say illogical things.

Common signs of disorganized speech in schizophrenia include:

• Loose associations — rapidly shifting from topic to topic, with no connection between one thought and the next.
• Neologisms — Made-up words or phrases that only have meaning to the patient.
• Preservation — Repetition of words and statements; saying the same thing over and over.
• Clang — Meaningless use of rhyming words

Disorganized behavior:

Disorganized behavior appears as:

• A decline in overall daily functioning
• Unpredictable or inappropriate emotional responses
• Behaviors that appear bizarre and have no purpose
• Lack of inhibition and impulse control.

Negative symptoms:

The negative symptoms of schizophrenia refer to the absence of normal behaviors found in healthy individuals. Important negative symptoms of schizophrenia include:

• Flattened or blunted affect: Lack of emotional expression, including a flat voice, lack of eye contact, and blank or restricted facial expressions.
• Avolition: Lack of interest or enthusiasm; no ability to pursue goal-driven activities.
• Catatonia: Apparent unawareness of the environment, near total absence of motion and speech, aimless body movements and bizarre postures, lack of self-care.
• Alogia: Difficulties with speech, inability to carry a conversation, short and sometimes disconnected replies to questions, lessening of fluency.

A short summary of a list of negative symptoms are:

• lack of emotion – the inability to enjoy regular activities (visiting with friends, etc.) as much as before
• Low energy – the person tends to sit around and sleep much more than normal

            lack of interest in life, low motivation

• Affective flattening – a blank, blunted facial expression or less lively facial movements, flat voice (lack of normal intonations and variance) or physical movements.
• Alogia (difficulty or inability to speak)

            Inappropriate social skills or lack of interest or ability to socialize with other      people

            Inability to make friends or keep friends, or not caring to have friends

• Social isolation – person spends most of the day alone or only with close family

Causes of schizophrenia:

The causes of schizophrenia are not fully known. However, it appears that schizophrenia usually results from a complex interaction between genetic and environmental factors.

Genetic causes of schizophrenia:

Schizophrenia has a strong hereditary component. Individuals with a first-degree relative (parent or sibling) who has schizophrenia have a 10 percent chance of developing the disorder, as opposed to the 1 percent chance of the general population. But schizophrenia is only influenced by genetics, not determined by it. While schizophrenia runs in families, about 60% of schizophrenics have no family members with the disorder. Furthermore, individuals who are genetically predisposed to schizophrenia don’t always develop the disease, which shows that biology is not destiny.

Environmental causes of schizophrenia:

Twin and adoption studies suggest that inherited genes make a person vulnerable to schizophrenia and then environmental factors act on this vulnerability to trigger the disorder. As for the environmental factors involved, more and more research is pointing to stress, either during pregnancy or at a later stage of development. High levels of stress are believed to trigger schizophrenia by increasing the body’s production of the hormone cortisol.

Research points to several stress-inducing environmental factors that may be involved in schizophrenia, including:

• Prenatal exposure to a viral infection
• Low oxygen levels during birth (from prolonged labor or premature birth)
• Exposure to a virus during infancy
• Early parental loss or separation
• Physical or sexual abuse in childhood

Brain chemical imbalances:

There is evidence that chemical imbalances in certain neurotransmitters, proteins, and amino acids play a role in causing schizophrenia.

• Dopamine — Dopamine is the primary brain chemical implicated in schizophrenia. The dopamine hypothesis suggests that an excess of dopamine in the brain contributes to schizophrenia.
• Glutamate — Glutamate is another important neurotransmitter implicated in schizophrenia. Studies show an under activity of glutamate in schizophrenic patients. This supports the dopamine hypothesis, since dopamine receptors inhibit the release of glutamate.

Abnormal brain structure:

In addition to abnormal brain chemistry, abnormalities in brain structure may also play a role in schizophrenia. Enlarged brain ventricles are seen in some schizophrenics, indicating a deficit in the volume of brain tissue. The area of the brain responsible for planning, reasoning, and decision-making. But despite the evidence of brain abnormalities, it is highly unlikely that schizophrenia is the result of any one problem in any one region of the brain.

TYPES OF SCHIZOPHRENIA:

There are three major subtypes of schizophrenia.

Paranoid schizophrenia:

The defining feature of paranoid schizophrenia is absurd or suspicious ideas and beliefs. These ideas typically revolve around a coherent, organized theme or “story” that remains consistent over time.

People with paranoid schizophrenia show a history of increasing paranoia and difficulties in their relationships. They tend to function better than individuals with other schizophrenic subtypes. In contrast, their thinking and behavior is less disordered and their long-term prognosis is better.

Disorganized schizophrenia:

Disorganized schizophrenia generally appears at an earlier age than other types of schizophrenia. Its onset is gradual, rather than abrupt, with the person gradually retreating into his or her fantasies. The distinguishing characteristics of this subtype are disorganized speech, disorganized behavior, and blunted or inappropriate emotions. People with disorganized schizophrenia also have trouble taking care of themselves, and may be unable to perform simple tasks such as bathing or feeding themselves.

The symptoms of disorganized schizophrenia include:

• Impaired communication skills
• Incomprehensible or illogical speech
• Emotional indifference
• Inappropriate reactions (e.g. laughing at a funeral)
• Infantile behavior (baby talk, giggling)
• Peculiar facial expressions and mannerisms

People with disorganized schizophrenia sometimes suffer from hallucinations and delusions, but unlike the paranoid subtype, their fantasies aren’t consistent or organized.

Catatonic schizophrenia:

The hallmark of catanoic schizophrenia is a disturbance in movement: either a decrease in motor activity, reflecting a stuporous state, or an increase in motor activity, reflecting an excited state.

• Stuporous motor signs — the stuporous state reflects a dramatic reduction in activity. The person often ceases all voluntary movement and speech, and may be extremely resistant to any change in his or her position, even to the point of holding an awkward, uncomfortable position for hours.
• Excited motor signs — sometimes, people with catatonic schizophrenia pass suddenly from a state of stupor to a state of extreme excitement. During this frenzied episode, they may shout, talk rapidly, pace back and forth, or act out in violence—either toward themselves or others.

People with catatonic schizophrenia can be highly suggestible. They may automatically obey commands, imitate the actions of others, or mimic what others say.

WHAT IS MYSTICISM

A spiritual quest for hidden truth or wisdom

The treasure hidden in the centers of our souls

A world beyond normal experience

Unusual experiences of ecstasy, levitation, visions, and power to read human hearts, to heal, and to perform other unusual acts

A belief in the existence of realities beyond perceptual or intellectual apprehension those are central to being and directly accessible by subjective experience

Practice of those who are initiated into the mysteries

The attempt of man to attain the ultimate reality of things and experience direct communion with the highest

A mystical experience displays the world through a different lens than ordinary experience

Mysticism has many meanings in the study of the history of religions. In general it refers to a type of faith that emphasizes the direct experience of unity with the Divine.

It is the practice of putting oneself into, and remaining in, direct relation with God, the Absolute, or any unifying principle of life. Mysticism is inseparably linked with religion.

Mysticism maintains the possibility of a relationship with God, not by means of revelation or the ordinary religious channels, but by introspection and meditation in conjunction with a purified life, culminating in the awareness that the individual partakes of the divine nature

Mystics have sometimes been accused of escapism, of retreating from the responsibilities of everyday life into a private world, and indeed, the descriptions of the ecstasies of spiritual awareness often sound rather like a selfish indulgence, oblivious to the problems of the outside world.

Most religions have reported miraculous phenomena associated with the path of mysticism, including visions, disembodied voices, levitation, and gifts of healing.

Much like poetry, the words of mystics are often idiosyncratic and esoteric, can seem confusing and opaque, simultaneously over-simplified and full of subtle meanings hidden from the unenlightened. To the mystic, however, they are pragmatic statements, without subtext or weight; simple obvious truths of experience.

One of the more famous lines from the Tao Te Ching, for instance, reads:

My words are very easy to know, and very easy to practice;

But there is no one in the world who is able to know and able to practice them

Mysticism is generally considered experiential and holistic, and mystical experiences held to be beyond expression; modern philosophy, psychology, biology and physics being overtly analytical, verbal, and reductions.

“Neurocardiology, a new field of medical research, has discovered in our heart a major brain center that functions in dynamic with the fourfold brain in our head. Outside our conscious awareness, this heart-head dynamic reflects, determines, and affects the very nature of our resulting awareness even as it is, in turn, profoundly affected.”

MYSTICISM AND SCIENCE

Brain imaging technology became more powerful during the last decade of the 20th century, and scientists used it to seek solutions to the deeper mysteries of consciousness.

Religion and spirituality are a natural outcome of the way our brain is organized to respond to the dangers and opportunities it confronts, and so they consider religion and spirituality to be biologically real and not trivial foolish phenomena.

All religions arise from and are maintained by transcendent experiences, so the researchers explored the underlying neurobiology of myth, ritual, and mysticism, which are central to religious practice. Their research led them to reject the belief that these arose out of cultural drives to maintain social cohesiveness. Rather, they are deeply rooted in the manner in which specific brain systems respond to internal and external stimuli. Further, since myth, ritual, and mysticism are driven by neurobiology, it’s not surprising that they exhibit striking similarities across all religions.

The brain’s temporal lobe is the location of the key hole or entry point to the release of “referenced material” from other sections of the brain. The temporary removal of temporal lobe inhibition is what allows a large variety of “psychic” or “spiritual” phenomena to become conscious, including out-of-body and near-death experiences, alien abductions, past lives experiences, one’s earlier repressed traumatic memories and the mystical or God experience.

These brain state productions are all susceptible to multitudinous sources of disinhibitory influences and those of us who have a higher than average ability to be so influenced are often found to have one or more of the following characteristics:

They are more likely to:

Experience déjà vu frequently,

Sense the presence of spirits,

Often feel that they are not alone,

Keep a diary or journal,

Have a history of hallucinogenic/psychedelic drug use,

Be in menopause,

Have lots of sex or none at all,

Write poetry,

Frequently engage in repetitive prayers,

Have limbic epileptic seizures,

Do bodywork,

Do meditation,

Think often of suicide,

Find that being in love is all consuming,

Have been sexually or physically abused as children,

Be homosexual,

Be under deep hypnosis,

Have anxiety attacks,

Have a seemingly disproportionate fear of death, and

Fast frequently.

All, with these characteristics and others, find it easier to have spiritual feelings

At times, the ability to enter these states of unordinary consciousness is preceded by intense physical and emotional pain, depression and feelings of loss. As one’s sensory inputs are stimulated, one may hear voices, or smell non-existent odors.

The psychiatric disorder of depressive bi-polarism can closely resemble episodes of transcendent consciousness, with sudden “appearances” of deities and demons and subsequent spontaneous or even serial religious conversion experiences.

Since the temporal lobe contains the projection areas for the experience of hearing and the sensation of movement, transients within this portion of the brain should be predominated
by auditory or vestibular experiences. No doubt these experiences could contain
visual, olfactory, or taste images. . . . In general, the more severe
the disturbance, the more intense the God Experience.”
 Michael A. Persinger. Ph.D.

Neuroscience is beginning to understand some of what happens in the brain during mystical experience. Brain researchers have hooked up people skilled at contemplative and meditative techniques from both Eastern and Western traditions and monitored their brain function. They found that the same parts of the brains lit up in the Christian contemplatives and Buddhist monks during their spiritual practice.

Seeing into how mystical experiences capture the brain and express themselves through it may begin to lead scientists to understand the range of experiences that happen to the mystic who enters deeply into the transformation that the experiences offer. For mysticism happens in the body and throughout the body, and opening to the absolute is progressive. So far researchers have looked only at the activation of certain parts of the neocortex, the newest part of the brain. It goes far beyond that, involving the entire nervous system and body.

Mystical experience reorganizes the brain to reorganize the person. Fewer attachments remain and fewer blockages. The person is changed not only during the experience itself, but if the experiences persist, during the rest of life.

Will science understand the Absolute?

COMMON EXPERIENCES IN SCHIZOPHRENIA AND MYSTICISM

The nature of schizophrenia, and other forms of psychosis, is still under debate and a significant issue is the relationship between psychosis and the mystical, or religious, experience. Throughout history this question has been addressed by scholars from all fields of inquiry. Currently, psychologists are looking at the similarities and differences between the experiences, hoping to shed light on the nature, process, and treatment of psychosis.

Kenneth Wapnick concludes that both schizophrenics and mystics follow basically the same developmental path, but differ in preparation for that process.

The mystic, in conscious control, prepares for the experience ahead. On the other hand, the schizophrenic is lacking that preparation; “he is overwhelmed, with no means of dealing with his experience and no conviction that he will survive it”. The schizophrenic has no control over the experience of the inner world. In addition, Wapnick explains that while schizophrenics are later able to reintegrate into society, they are not able to carry over the “lesson” of the experience. Their “inner potential” is usually left undeveloped.

Joseph Campbell observed that the schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight. 

The Edgar Cayce readings on schizophrenia acknowledge that persons experiencing psychotic symptoms are out of touch with material reality and find it difficult to maintain the activities of daily living.  Therefore, Cayce considered schizophrenia to be an illness.  Yet, he also noted that such individuals are closer to the “universal” or divine consciousness than most sane individuals.

Mystical experiences can be overwhelming for individuals who don’t already have a strong sense of self. They can become frightened and confused by the sudden influx of spiritual consciousness.

There are also several specific similarities between self-reported descriptions of mystical and psychotic experiences.

• Feeling of being transported beyond the self to a new realm
• Feeling of communion with the ‘divine’
• Sense of ecstasy and exultation
• Heightened state of awareness
• Loss of self-object boundaries
• Powerful sense of noesis
• Distortion of time-sense
• Perceptual changes (synesthesia, dampening, or heightening)
• Hallucinations

SCHIZOPHRENIA AND MYSTICISM: A STRONG BOND

There is a very strong between schizophrenia and mysticism. Many people still don’t believe this and they view both phases of unique neuro functions as insanity and mental disorder.

People who went through schizophrenic stages or conditions also experienced great mystic awareness. The Divine reality is very close to these people because of hallucinations (positive schizophrenia)

In many self reported cases people showed enthusiasm to learn more about spirituality because of their experiences during different schizophrenic stages.

When research was conducted neuro physicians and scientists came to know about the neural cause of spirituality or mysticism and change of brain structure which is same during schizophrenia and mysticism. Many patients recovered from their illness by experiencing mysticism during schizophrenia.

WHAT I EXPERIENCED? SCHIZOPHRENIA OR MYSTICISM?

I don’t feel any shame in admitting that I had been through a strange experience of mystic paranoid. I didn’t realize and understand what was I going through and nobody was interested in knowing too as they simply diagnosed it as DEPRESSION. I was taken to the best cardiologist as my pulse was missing and I was unable to breathe properly what they call SHORTNESS OF BREATH.

My ECG wasn’t good and I was taken to other physician and he put me on ANTI DEPRESSENT because he thought I was suffering from EXTREME ANXIETY, DEPRESSION & EMMOTIONAL DISTURBANCE.

I was insane, was unable to figure out what was happening to me. I use to hear different sounds, could view things that other people can’t see and somewhere deep inside I felt a strong bond and mysterious connection with Divine and other Holy Spirits.

I wasn’t religious nor into so many religious practices but I felt that I am called by Holy Spirits and without any intention I stared praying.

Once I ran away from my house to IMAM BARGAH (worship place of Shia Muslims) bare footed and collapsed on the floor where ALM (Holy flag of Hazrat Abbas A.S) was fixed. I started crying without any reason, without knowing that I was observed by other people then I felt one hand on my head and heard somebody praying for me and then the feeling vanished.

“You use to talk to yourself” my mother told me

“You talk strange as if you are talking to someone. You talked about prayers, going to Holy places, asking help from known Holy Spirits and telling them that you have done with your prayers. I also saw you during your prayers. Calm and quite but tears on your cheeks and honestly I was scared of your mysterious way of praying and behavior”

What was I experiencing? Whom I use to talk? Who was calling me? What happened to me? I was here but I wasn’t here!

I was moved by mystic music and my mother had an eye on my behavior. I started loosing my weight; I lost control on things, lost my clear understanding too!

But I wasn’t mad! Was I depressed? May be yes! As I wasn’t getting what I wanted. I was left alone and hat loneliness from my childhood till today resulted in social withdrawal. I found serenity and peace in my own world. 

I didn’t realize that somebody is with me, taking care of me, helping me in healing my wounds. It was and it is GOD!

PART 1

Jodie and I: strange relation something magical something abstract

Was it friendship? Was it affair? Was it love? Can’t say anything clearly

I still remember when I first met her. I was sketching a child beside the road with her poodle. Jodie was behind me looking at my live sketching skills.

Wow! I heard. I turned around and saw a girl with jade green eyes. Her brown curls were touching her cheeks and she was smiling. I was surrounded by a special aura. Something magical.

Thanks! I showed my etiquettes.

I’m Jodie. She offered me handshake.

I’m jack. I shook my hand.

The touch of her skin, the warmth of her flowing blood was amazing.

So you’re an artist! Her eyes smiled

Yeah! You can say that. I smiled

That’s so modest you know? She said with a slight smile

Yeah I’m trying you know? And we laughed

So what you do Jodie? I asked her

I feel heaven, I feel angels, I feel love, I feel power, I feel freedom, I feel authority, I feel silence, I feel everything. She replied

That’s so impressive. I like the way you answer me but I don’t think your alcoholic! I said

She laughed and I saw her teeth. Her beautiful sparkling teeth.

I dance! She told me

Wow! That’s great. I mean it’s beautiful. I was amazed

Yes when I’m in trance I feel everything I mentioned

That was our first introduction.

We use to meet every day. She came to my studio every day. We had long conversations. I use to make her coffee, she use to bring me some excellent music collection. We use to listen to the music and sometimes we dance.

Sometimes hand in hand, sometimes her head on my chest and arms around my neck, my arms around her waist and eyes in eyes.

I still remember her fragrance, her touch, her comfort in my arms. I was exploring myself my inner self with her in her own magical style.

Why don’t you paint me someday jack! She whispered in my ear while dancing once

How do you want me to paint you? I whispered in her ear

Naturally! She said with a low voice

I looked into her eyes

I want you to paint the hidden beauty jack. I saw a spark in her jade green eyes

Wait a while. I asked her

I took my razor back II knife from the table and came closer to her

She was wearing beige silk dress. I moved my razor back II on her dress and tore it in two equal parts she was in white French lace bra and white silk thong.

You’re beautiful! I whispered

I came closer to her and kissed her forehead. My hands were on her back. I unhooked her bra

She closed her eyes

I lifted her up in my arms and laid her down on the sofa. I moved my hands on her silky smooth body and reached her thong. I felt grip of her hand on mine.

Why don’t you try it with your teeth? She said

I, I my lady! I obeyed the command

I kissed her belly button and came down her silk thong was in my teeth I slowly reached down to her knees then to her ankles and finally it was a nude beauty.

PART 2

Something happened to Jodie. I felt a change. She no longer paid me visit every day. Sometimes my calls were also unanswered.

I was working on my new theme “ABSTRACT LOVE”. I felt her need.

Need for insanity, need for serenity, need to drawn in myself and reached the depth of my soul, need to explore my imaginative powers. But she wasn’t there. Yes I became selfish.

I didn’t know her house. Whatever I had was her cell number.

I was depressed and switched to nootropics. I found peace in piracetam and ashwagandha.

Then one day door bell rang. It was her.

What happen to you jack? She was surprised

I was only in blue denim. Hair grew bit long. My shave wasn’t trimmed. I had dark circles due to so many sleepless nights and heavy intake of drugs like marijuana and first date rape.

She came inside and saw scattered paints and brushes. She stood in front of my new painting.

What is this? She inquired

Where were you Jodie? I asked in my reply

I was busy in my dance classes. I was offered by National Dance Academy as a dance representative in Turkish Dance Festival.

She sounds so professional. I lost Jodie. My old Jodie. I thought for a while

It’s my new painting on abstract love theme. I explained her without any interest

She turned back to me and said “don’t you think the painting is incomplete?”

Yes Jodie. Certain things in life are not to be completed. I sat down on the floor with a glass of hurricane drink in one hand and a cigarette of Turkish blend in other.

She kept silent

I found someone jack. She informed me

I found my soul mate. The kind of person I was looking for.

You are happy Jodie! I stood up looking into her eyes.

Yes jack

And this is the reason why you were not here with me when I wanted you more than anything in this world? I asked her while walking near to my table

I tried to explain jack …….. I u know jack I ………. She tried to find some soothing words

I opened the draw.

There was a wood grain cardboard box in which I kept my combat commander semi auto pistol with satin finish and unusual natural rough grains grip. It was loaded with 9×19 mm parabellum cartridge.

I turned my face to her she was trying to explain me her reason of absence

I wasn’t listening to her. I only felt jealous. Vengeful emotions were arousing in my heart. I felt dejected. Only hatred I was experiencing that time just because of that other guy. Although Jodie and I never expressed any kind of sentiments.

Jodie! I called her name

The very next moment there was a straight blood line on the wooden floor from my half explored brain to her beautiful dancing feet.

if anybody wants to portray koran,Bible or Geeta thn he/she must go through the whole context of that particular book
Muslims are always very reactive in a wrong way because of emotional disbalance and lack of complete knowledge
but its natural
if you respect something or love something then you are always very posesive and touchy
and others have to face overwhelmed emotions and feelings

there is no harm in making movies about historical events and facts but one must consider the right audience!

then with my open heart and mind i will reply

“indeed yes!”

then with deep sigh i will ask myself again

“and what is that?”

with sorrow in my eyes,sorrow in my heart and with incompleteness of myself i will reply

“my incomplete relationship!”

incomplete dreams,incomplete desires what else?

then i will laugh at myself and say:

“my child!you are incomplete just because of these things?arent these things baseless?”

then with sorrowful trembling voice i will reply

“ohh no! these things cant be baseless! i feel it because i dont have them. i need to be attached with some relations because i wanna complete my life and myself!”

everybody need someone to talk to, to share miseries and happiness,to love and to be loved

then i will move forward towards myself and open my arms and ask myself to come to me and feel the warmth because im like a stubborn child who keeps on asking for a particular toy “i want that toy,i want that toy”

where are my toys?my small doll?my small doll house?

where are those candies i use to get everyday?where are my small snikers?where is my white shirt?where are my fairy tales book?

i want my things back!i want eveything back!

why im shouting and asking for these things?

i lost them!

so many years ago and now its too late!

people come and go just like timeand same happened with me

im looking for a person who was very feeble,grey hair,he use to wear glasses and walk with his brown wooden stick. he use to come daily to my house and gave me candies and just because of those candies i use to wait for him.

my house was a very small house but was a perfect home!

and im looking for my home now

where is that old man?where is my small house?

i had a book!a green color book.there were many colorfull pictures in that bookand i use to read that green book twice a daybecause of vivid colors and one very special picture.

picture of a girl!

she was just like me. black curly hair with a red ribbon tied on them,small feet and hands,big eyes and pink lips. she use to look like me and i kept on watching her.

i still have some memories of my childhood.

my books,shoes,color pencils toys…………..

finally i lost them specially that old man!

my candy man!

its just like a dream. everything is like a dream now

can i get any one thing back out of these so many things?

just one!

there is nobody who can comb my hair and tie them with red ribbon,no one to polish my shoes,iron my clothes,make me eat from his hand!

i use to sit in a corner when i was a child and watched everyone passing by……….. i was a lonely child

i just had my toys and colorfull books with me everytime

sometimes i use to sit on stairs and start counting those stairs

there is still a lonely child in me

always watching people and counting stairs

but i dont have toys anymore

i dont have colorfull books now

nobody gives me candy anymore

because im not a child anymore!!

k jis ka na koi wajood hay

yeh wajood baymisal hay

aik uljha howa sawal hay

har roz bikharta simatta howa

aik zarra nayab hay

yeh wehshatoon main ghira howa

yeh sazishoon main bata howa

aik kahani ka khayal hay

yeh kitnay saaye liptay howay

kitnay weham-o-gumman hain

awazoon main daba howa

yeh sirf aik khayal hay

roz-o-shab dhaltay howay

mah-o-saal chaltay howay

bus aik lamha tehar gaya

yeh wajood kahin reh gaya

ab khamoshi hay tanhai hay

siyah raatain chahyee hain

na mujh main koi khayal hay

na ab koi sawal hay

a roaring specie

trying to camouflage herself

in a spirit of fairy

the more i get close

the far she is

as a rocky mountain

with a sinner on her hill

 The word EUNUCH is derived from the Greek word “EUNE” (bed) and “EKHEIN” (to keep) effectively “BED KEEPER”They were slaves in Royal Courts in order to serve rulers and performing functions like making bed, bathing the ruler, cut his hair, relaying messages.They were familiar in the Assyrian Empire, Emperors of Persia and Egyptian Pharaohs. Agha Mohammad Khan was crowned as Shah of Iran was the only Eunuch King. Eunuchs were also found in Imperial palaces in China at the Byzantine Imperial Court of Rome for domestic and administrative functions with a separate hierarchy and with the parallel carrier of their own.Eunuchs are also found in the ancient Indian Kama Sutra. 

“Tears, idle tears, I know not what they meanTears from the depth of some Divine despairRise in the heart and gathers to the eyesIn looking on the happy autumn fieldsAnd thinking of the days that are no more” 

KINDS OF EUNUCHS OR HIJRAS 

There are two kinds of Hijras 

NATURAL EUNUCHS OR BORN HIJRAS:They are homosexual men with all the rights of ordinary man. They are referred as Gays. MUTILATED EUNUCHS OR CONVERTED HIJRAS:They are referred as castrated men with no rights like natural eunuch. They are not eligible for marriage and adopting children.

 “I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages henceTwo roads diverged in a wood and II took the one less traveled byAnd that has made all the difference” 

HIJRAS IN MUSLIM HISTROY

 Most of the slaves in Muslim Royal Courts were Hijras. They guarded the palace gates. There were thousands of Hijras in Muslim Courts for different purposes.Senior Hijras were known as NAZIRS and KHAWAJA SARAS. Each one of them had a junior hijra under him.Under the Mughals many important hijras rose to the position of Commander of Armies and Governors of provinces. The Chief Khawaja Sara generally enjoyed the title of AITBAR KHAN (trusted Lord).The senior hijra had a number of junior hijras who were appointed as messengers in the palace and others were posted at the palace doors to keep a watch on every thing.Some were appointed to look after the education of princes. The main business of the hijras was to guard and to keep an eye on activities of palace ladies. They also guarded the secrets of their mistresses. They smuggled drugs and wines for palace ladies and even arranged men for Court ladies. In exchange for such delicate and risky services hijras could get from their mistresses “whatever they desired”.There was hardly any area of Muslim rule in which hijras were not required. They fought battles and conquered kingdoms held high administrative posts, appointed Commanders of Armies and Governors. 

“Thy vows are all brokenAnd light is thy fameI hear thy name spokenAnd share in its shame” 

HIJRAS HISTORY IN PAKISTAN 

Their history in Pakistan can be traced back from Sind where they originally resided and claim to be the descendants of Hazrat Bin Qasim and Panjtan Pak. They are deeply involved in religion and strongly believe that it is because of their faith in God that they are getting their daily earnings. On specific religious occasions the GURU also organizes niaz on a grand scale.  

 “No fame of them the world permits to beMisericord and justice both disdain themLet us not speak of them, but look, and pass”                     

   LIFESTYLE OF HIJRAS IN PAKISTAN 

Most Pakistani cities have sizable hijra communities divided into clan groups living mostly in ghettos supervised by a leader “GURU”. These communities in hijra term are known as “CHELLAS”. 

PAYMENT ARRANGEMENT OF HIJRAS IN THEIR COMMUNITY 

According to ICO report the earned money is divided into three shares. Guru gets 50%, house hold expenses 25% and remaining 25% distributed equally among other group members.In Sind Guru gets 75% and 25% is given to Chellas. House hold expenses are carried out collectively.Beside this, there is an educated English speaking class of hijras in Pakistan. They posses high socio-economic status in the society with their carriers as fashion designers, interior decorators and hair stylists.Rights of hijras in Pakistan only confined to vote in elections. They are even denied health and psychological/psychotherapeutic assistance.  

HOW HIJRAS EARNED THEIR LIVING

 They earn their living as beggars, dancers and prostitutes. They are especially apt to visit the families of recently born male children where they are paid to give blessings or to simply go away after perspiring pursuance though.                       

   HIJRAS AND RELIGION 

Some hijras in the society are working for their economic necessity, others out for sexual desire and some are on the way of spiritual devotion.

 “And after he had laid his hand on mineWith joyful mien, whence I was comforted He led me in among the secret things” 

 Eunuchs or Hijras are also an important part of local spiritual folk culture. They commonly show up at wedding and birth ceremonies.In South Asia Hijras are believed to be more powerful in blessing or cursing someone.

 ACCORDING TO HINDU MYTH

 Hindu Hijras are connected to the worship of BAHUCHARA MATA. According to this view the prayer done by a faithful hijra will be fulfilled because she is specially blessed as a compensation for the fact that she is denied to have children and a normal family life. 

ACCORDING TO MUSLIM VIEW

 There are many connections between hijra culture and Sufism. Because according to Muslim view: Near to the Sufism and derwaish orders of Muslim mysticism who likewise are consulted to perform DUA for ordinary believers and who connect themselves to God through music and dance! In India and Pakistan Muslim shrines and graves are usually the places where Hijras perform especially in Ajmer the URS are attended by hundreds of Hijras from both India and Pakistan.Older and experienced Hijras are usually expected to be the earnest followers of Islam (Muslim Hijras). Many Hijras from subcontinent perform the HAJJ and treated with especial respect in the community.  

SUFISM AND ROLE OF HIJRAS 

Active participants at the shrines have been identified as KHAWAJA SARAS in earlier shrines tradition. Sufism is the mystical branch of Islam it emphasizes directs knowledge of the Divine within each person. It adopts meditation, music, song and dance as integral to the spiritual quest. Devotional or spiritual practices in Sufi ritual especially the mystic poetry at shrines; folk festivals and domestic life and dance are attended by mostly Hijras with great devotion and enthusiasm. Their input is visible and they are significant participants in these events.Some of them go to different shrines for prayer and meditation and also to make a MANNAT (vow) and when that vow is fulfilled they go to the shrines to make an offering usually food or charity.

 “To heights surprising some great spirits soarWith inborn strength mysterious depths explore” 

 RELIGIOUS CASTRATION 

Among the earliest records of human religion are accounts of castration as an act of devotion and scared eunuchs are found in spiritual roles. These practices were common in the worship of the Goddess.  

ACCORDING TO NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE

 Jesus said: “And there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. He, who is able to accept this, let him accept it” Similar phenomenon is exemplified by some modern Indian communities of the hijra type which are associated with deity and certain rituals and festivals.

  “We smile but O great Christ our cries to thee from tortured souls ariseWe sing but oh the clay is vile beneath our feet and long the mileBut let the world dream otherwiseWe wear mask”  

DREAM OF BEING PRODUCTIVE PART OF SOCIETY 

Genuine transvestites [though ‘genuineness’ is difficult to explore therefore according to medical definition:“Klinefelter’s syndrome people in which the distribution of chromosomes is in XXY form are born Hijras and the differentiating feature from castrated male is their very tall height. They have male appearance with gynaecomastia”]Karachi based Genuine Hijras are not in the begging and into prostitution because their mysticism does not allow them to do so.They do go around asking for money to limited door steps.   

        HIJRA COMMUNITY AND HEALTH AWARENESS

 On April 20, 2005, for members of Hijra community open discussion about HIV aids prevention. As most infact 98% of Hijras earned their living now days as beggars, dancers and prostitutes therefore the HIV awareness program was organized by one NGO “Aids Prevention Association of Pakistan (APAP)”especially for Hijra community and members of Hijra community anticipated the workshop but also added that:“Our customers are not interested in such things, we have to satisfy them and taking any kind of precaution is simply not part of the deal”

  “If this young man expresses himself in terms too deep for meWhy, what a very singularly deep young man this deep young man must be”                                           

 WHY THIS RESEARCH WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO READERS 

There are thousands of articles and reports have been written on EUNUCHS OR HIJRAS about their derivation, sociological behavior and life style. Some writers also wrote about the heartless conduct and behavior from general people towards Hijras and asked on various forums to give them fundamental human rights. My research will not give any exceptional flavor to those articles and reports, thesis or dialogues, forums or news channels but an additional humanitarian support. I sturdily believe that people should consider Hijras as human beings and they must have big hearts and broader vision to make them adaptable in our society by providing them some rational employments so they can earn living in a decent way.                          

    FACE TO FACE INTERACTION

  I’m not by my will in this profession! Exclaimed Saima sitting next beside me in black dress and pink lipstick. His hair showed that he did not get the shower from so many days. My age is 35 and im the only one like this (hijra) in my family. His eyes filled with tears and in my very childhood I was handed over to Guru I wish I wasn’t born! With trembling voice he completed his sentence. The agony of life was obvious on his face. I became silent and looked into his eyes where I saw nothing but the incurable pain! After some minutes he took a deep sigh and looked at me with a smile and said “ask what you want to know I will tell you my story. I have trusted you because I saw you trust worthy.” his relaxed behavior made me talked more easily. I said to him, “I know people on streets (basically prostitutes in every form) are taken by sexually obsessed filthy people.” He smiled sarcastically and nodded his head. “Who actually are your customers?” I asked. “Mostly police” without wasting time he replied.“Ok “I affirmed his answer because I was bit aware of it. With his answer suddenly something stroked me. SUPPORTING FORCES! With the word came in my mind I asked him about their (hijra) profession supportive forces. By playing with his duppata with his fingers he said, “same this police and yes some government officials also.” I tried to confirm what I heard. “Yes those bastards also” he confirmed. “Don’t you think this is a bad customer profile? Police! Ahhh. With so many diseases because of having sex with anyone available? “I added to his remarks. “Yes they are very dirty but they want us to go to bed with them satisfy them by every means” Saima said with disgrace. “Do you have female customers?” I asked with a bit low voice. “Not exactly! But women who suffer from sexual disorder or who are infertile by nature they come to us. You know when they get married and on the first wedding night they go to their husband finally their husbands come to know that they are not complete woman and they cant deliver a child they divorce those women and they are send back to their parents house from where the story spreads and finally they are handed over to us and then they become one of us.” with a strange lust in his eyes he shared this knowledge with me. “So you easily recognize your kind of people?” I asked ignoring his eyes on me. “Very easily infact very very easily even if they pose as if they are normal we recognize them” he said.  “So do you have some kind of ceremonies at your residence?” I asked. “Yes lot of”he replied. “What kind Saima?” I asked by emphasizing on KIND. “Dance fuctions”he replied quickly. “How much do you earn monthly?” I asked him by considering his general appearance. “That depends on events also but average monthly income is 400 to 500 sometimes its 5000 also.” “Did you try to meet your original parents?” I asked him and with my question his eyes became empty. “Yes” he sighed! “I tried a lot to meet them but they refused to see me sometimes I also tried to run away from my Guru but it’s all vain. As we have got nothing to do except begging I came back to my Guru and apologized. I don’t want to be in this profession as it has no future but there is nothing we can do about it.” He was over whelmed by his emotions and looked at me as he was asking ARE WE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR BAD FATE?  “This society abandoned us. People are not willing to give us some respectable work.” he agitated.  “What kind of profession would you choose if given an opportunity?” I asked him as I was a member of so-called humanitarian social organization. “What can we do nothing!” he complained. “But we can become chef in houses but it’s in our instinct that whenever we will hear music we start dancing and return to our original profession a worthless HIJRA!”He said as if he was cursing himself and his fate. To help him out of his pain I changed the topic. “So Saima what is the average age in your tribe?” he thought for a while and said, “above 90. My Guru is 110 years of age and he is still fine with his senses.” I felt if I was taking his time then suddenly I came to the most important question. “I know you people don’t tell anybody about your burial method. Would you like to answer me? It’s not necessary if you don’t want to tell me it’s perfectly alrite with me?” Saima smiled and said, “Why won’t I tell you? I promised you to tell you the truth. Whenever somebody dies in our family then we give him bath as guided by religion and after 8 o clock in the night a religious person offers namz-e-janaza and we offer namaz with him. But no man is allowed to see the face of the dead because we believe that our souls are pure and only the angel from the heaven above should watch the face of the dead and take him to the eternal journey. We don’t burn the dead body but burry that in a religious manner in the graveyard.” in the graveyard! I thought for a while that he was hiding something but I didn’t encountered and with a hand full of money he departed.                                                                          

   BEING YOUR SLAVE WHAT SHOULD I DO BUT TEND 

“We were taught in those yearsNever to speak of good fortuneTo not speak to not feelDisgrace, punishment many of usPreferred to remain mute evenIn the presence of the Divine!” 

In Pakistan’s traditional and so called religious society there is a small ratio of INCOMPLETE HUMAN CREATURES commonly known as GAYS, EUNUCHS or HIJRAS.They are unacceptable with all their attributes  

“Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor highCan keep my own away from me”

 With the exponential growth of country’s population once this subculture was loomed and now its has appeared on the surface also accepting their involvement in risky homosexual behavior. 

“Even when she walks she seems to dance Her garments writhe and glisten like long snakesObedient to the rhythm of the wandsBy which a fakir wakens them to grace” 

There are variants to the genetically born gays and others adopt a gay lifestyle as a reaction to some childhood sexual abuses and experiences as well as cultural taboos.These emotional scars stimulate them to deviate from their own origin.According to one female writer:“Why should one stop them? If they are enjoying this way of life and are not doing any harm to society let them be. Leave them alone”In gay culture, youth and beauty are important criteria and in sexual relationship they prefer oral sex to reduce the danger of HIV. 

“Thus let me live, unseen, unknownThus unlamented let me dieSteal from the world and not a stoneTell where I lie?”

 Gays or Hijras have a close knit network. They have their private areas to reside where they have their own lustful movies, dance parties, different ceremonies and often encountered sexual activities. These Hijras or Gays belong mostly to the lower class with their own limited circle. They are highly influenced by film and TV actresses and adopt their fashion to attract people towards themselves. Some actresses’ names are also commonly found in them often as either aliases or nick names. They are addicted to numerous drugs which generate hallucination and take them to their own utopian fantasies away from real life. These people are supported and supervised even by officials with all their activities. Many people in the country are now pointing their fingers and raising their voice to abandon these Hijras from streets and other contiguous areas to reduce the corruption from the society and to eliminate the diseases like HIV aids, hepatitis B, gonorrhea and many others like these. But these people are mistaken here if they only blame gays in spreading these diseases. Many columns and articles are written by people from different fields asking for a ban on gays. But according to a psychiatrist:“If you put a ban on something people tend to take more of an interest in it and question why the restriction has been imposed. It is easier to be attracted towards evil” There are many gays or Hijras who opt for sincerity, love and special warmth. Many of them become vocal about their sexual preferences. Once if someone agrees to have sex they deal very professionally without wasting any time. 

“Being your slave what should I do but tendUpon the hours and times of your desire I have no precious time at all to spendNor services to do till you require”